At some point this blog has to say something about the good that has come from the “election” (in quotes, so it wasn’t really an election per se) of Agent Orange to the presidency. It has to be done because we’re all Americans and, at some point, communication and healing have to begin. But we don’t have to be saintly about it…we can be snarky. Now snarkiness, something Liberals and Progressives are extremely good at, drives conservatives absolutely crazy, partially because they are not, as a group usually capable of firing back with the same brilliance. Satire requires the ability to laugh at oneself first and foremost, and alas, Conservatives are often not very good at that. Granted, when the occasional creative Conservative is able to throw some snark our way, it drives us crazy too. We ask ourselves and each other how they can be so cavalier toward something as important as individual liberty or truth or the suffering of innocents, or whatever it is they are being snarky about, and we assign them a status just beneath Cro-Magnon man. We determine they are irredeemable and not worth the effort. They feel the same way about us. However, “Moderation in everything, including moderation” (see last month’s blog) requires an occasional outburst and, frankly, some of the nicknames for Trump that fellow Liberals and Progressives have invented over the past year are so good they deserve a Pulitzer. So a few of those nicknames are celebrated herein as we present the upside of the election of The Mango Mussolini. Abandon diplomacy all ye who enter here. We’re in full snark mode (just for the fun of it). If we don’t do it now and the situation improves (as it probably will), the better angels of our nature may not allow us to do it at all.
What good could possibly have come of the “election” of The Prima Donald? Well, as it turns there is plenty to be thankful for. In fact, this first development might actually change the whole political paradigm. The Human-Toupee Hybrid, as it turns out, is anything but the deal-maker he brays about being. Michelle Goldberg reports in Slate that Republican critics in Congress dislike America’s Burst Appendix intensely. At least one congressman, according to GOP strategist Rick Wilson, “hates him with the fire of a million suns,” so it is unlikely that Hair Furher will be able to wield sufficient influence with the moderate Conservatives in Congress when the chips are down. Meanwhile, the stone-jawed, gravel-brained Freedom Caucus is stuck irrevocably in “Hell no!” mode, against God-and-everything just because, and Paul Ryan is as helpless as a new-born, blue-eyed babe. Yep, our hero John Gault is currently third in line to the presidency and can’t do jack. The failure of the latest zombie reincarnation of the repeal and replace Obamacare effort brought forth from Ryan’s lips the admission that congressional Republicans, brilliant as they are at cynical, country-destroying obstruction (not an exact quote), can’t govern. Not surprising – they haven’t governed in a decade. This means that the less childish Republicans in Congress may start reaching out to the Democrats. In order to garner the necessary votes to actually pass legislation they may have to pretend there are other people, with other ideas, in the chamber for a while. This puts Democrats, and Humanity, in a position of strength. (Karma can be extremely inconvenient.) Wonder of wonders, a few Republicans at least, appear to be waking up from their pipe dreams and realizing how ineffectual they are at anything that resembles responsible politics. A hundred years of depth psychology suggests that they have known, deep down, subconsciously, for a long time, that they are jokes. They will never admit it or show it, even to themselves – if nothing else they are masters at manufactured gravitas – but they can never escape it either. The suffering of the unwashed masses might be merely an annoyance to them that they have to blow smoke at in order to keep their jobs, but the impending destruction of their country impacts their personal contexts (God bless America indeed). All Genghis Can’t has to do is keep up the bad work.
Here’s something interesting. The Mango Man-Child has destroyed enough political infrastructure to allow former President Shrub (W) to sneak back into cultural relevance. Meaning – he is no longer arguably the worst president ever because he was not as bad at being president as Trump is. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but perhaps the guy deserves a second chance. The thousands of patriots he sent to their deaths so that he could massage his daddy issues by playing cowboy don’t get a second chance, but, as last month’s blog suggested, eternal, unrelenting anger accomplishes nothing. After the Michelle Obama hug seen round the world, and the self-reflection he might have demonstrated by painting portraits of fallen American soldiers, he is in a unique position to do some good right now if he is man enough. Many of his former staffers are singing a different tune as the destruction of the Republican party The Angry Cheeto is bound and determined to bring about proceeds apace. Perhaps Shrub has grown up enough to do so also.
If you live near Portland, Oregon you know there is some weird stuff going on. Guys in masks – self-proclaimed Anarchists – are repairing potholes, in their spare time and on their own dime, that city/state government has been neglecting. Now, no reasonably intelligent person with even a passing knowledge of history, psychology, sociology, or anthropology would promote anarchy as a viable governmental system in the 21st century, but what these Anarchists are doing does perhaps shine a not-too-flattering light on the rest of us. Have we become overly dependent on government to solve, or prevent, our problems? Indeed, anybody with a passing knowledge of history, psychology, sociology, or anthropology should know better than to rely on government completely. What have we neglected in our communities, and in our country, that truly invested citizens could, or should, fix on their own? Thankfully, Trumplethinskin has catalyzed a reassessment of the potential power of ordinary citizenry. He has, at least, awakened the heretofore silent majority, and the best is yet to come.
S.C.R.O.T.U.S. (So Called Ruler Of The United States), along with our clueless old-white-guy-congress, have inspired women especially to become involved in politics in a big way. This new energy is reminiscent of the early Wonder Woman comics, from the forties, where Wonder Woman, her friend Etta Candy (a fat girl who loves candy) and Etta’s fellow sorority sisters go around beating bad guys up and teaching male chauvinists that women make better rulers than men. No…for real. They are constantly physically punching guys out and then enslaving them in a female society (on this or that planet) until the men learn the efficacy of love and compassion. This, in the forties! The implications for the 21st century are stunning, especially given the serendipitous reappearance of Wonder Woman in a major movie. It is high time women took their place by the side of men in government, and Comrade Trumputin has energized that effort huuugly.
The fact that America stooped so low as to dig Jack The Gripper out of the dirt revealed how far behind undereducated whites were left in the rush to a multicultural world. Yes, these yahoos were convinced by a transparent charlatan to vote against their interests, and they still don’t even realize it, but that is exactly what “undereducated” means in a representative democracy. Bubba and Ellie Jo always believed (and they are correct) that they have the same potential as any two-headed Antartican who sexually identifies as a female cheetah, and yet it seemed the Antartican had a better chance at being listened to by “elite” Liberals and Progressives. What were they to do? Why, jump off a cliff of course! At least that way they could get people’s attention. Thanks to the emergence of the Financially Embattled Thousandaire, we now know how we failed that part of America and we can try to do something about it.
Here’s another revelation that people of color (except maybe pinkish-tan people of color) have undoubtedly known forever. Racism isn’t on life support as previously thought. The Fearful Earful has made it fashionable again and it has reemerged as a scapegoating strategy for the less self-aware…which turns out to be possibly half the population! (Not sure.) Racism may never be completely eradicated because, as a prehistoric survival technique, it may be embedded in our DNA – like overeating – but there is an upside. Now we know not to assume that racism is dying out…and forewarned is forearmed. Now we know that all right-minded humans need to get in the game to push racism so far below the surface (starting with themselves) that it becomes irrelevant in a global society. You can’t fight what you don’t know about. But now we know.
The last benefit derived from the election of The Republican Rapture Inducer discussed here is lip-smacking delicious, but also potentially harmful in the long run. Conservatives tend to believe that people are, by nature, prone to evil. Liberals and Progressives tend to believe that people are, by nature, prone to good (and there is solid scientific research with newborns that supports that, by the way). It is consistent with this second premise, that we believe, that the 50 year old serpent-in-the-garden of Republican greed, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and self-serving destruction of the American dream is closer than ever to eating its own tail. The Malfunctioning Wind Turbine is its embodied reflection, its child (in more ways than one) with all of its traits, concentrated into one, big, loud, orange package, and he ain’t going quietly. Since people are naturally good, most of them will eventually catch on, and that’s bad news for the Republican’s reign of terror. It is bad news for the Republican Party in general, possibly for a long time to come, but that sword is two-edged. Human nature being what it is, power corrupts, and we need responsible, adult-themed conservatism to balance out potential liberal overindulgence when the Piper’s fee finally comes due and the conservative bums are kicked out. In fact it may fall to Progressives to mitigate our ship of state’s list to the other side when that time comes. Are we up to it?
Eat that Conservatives! (Cue mic drop.)
That was fun…but also unfulfilling and unpleasant in some way.